If you have children, or are planning to, or might do some day, please, tell them you will love and support them.

Everyone has arguments with their parents. Every parent, from the worst to the best, has times when they upset their child. For LGBT people, parental relationships have an added layer of complexity, that extra uncertainty of whether or not our parents will accept something about us that we cannot change. When we talk to new people, when we make new friends, both inside and outside the community, there’s always that question: “Do your parents know? How do they feel about it?”

My parents do not know. I told my mother I was bi – this turned out to be incorrect – back when I was 16 or 17. She asked me not to tell my father, because, “He would blame it on me.”

I don’t know how my parents would feel about me being trans, but I doubt their reaction would be overwhelmingly positive. The increasing visibility of trans issues – and the increasing presence of those who are opposed to trans rights in the media – has led to a corresponding increase in the number of transphobic comments I have to sit through at the dinner table.

Most cisgender, heterosexual people will never know this feeling: the fear that an aspect of you that cannot be changed will alter your relationship with your parents once they know about it. Christmas, a festival which in modern times has become associated with family and spending time together, can be an especially bleak midwinter for LGBT people. If you’re in the community you can divide your friends into three groups: the ones who are happy to be seeing their families, the ones who will hate the experience, and the ones who can’t go back at all.

I don’t know when I’ll tell my parents. Hopefully soon. But the longer I leave it, the more upset they’re likely to be that I didn’t tell them before. I’ve sometimes thought that even if they rejected me – always a possibility we have to consider – I would at least be free. Free to start my transition, to change my legal name, to start properly living my life the way I want. And the longer I wait for that to happen, the more of my life I’ll feel like I wasted by not doing it earlier.

But …read more

Source:: New Statesman

      

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My parents don’t know I’m trans. I’m not sure when I’ll tell them

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