Amy Dickinson

Dear Amy: My stepdaughters are 17 and 22. My husband’s separation agreement (12 years ago) specified that neither spouse could malign the other, which he and I have upheld.

Amy Dickinson 

The girls’ mother has not necessarily abided by this agreement.

Now that they are old enough, should we tell them that their mom’s affair with their stepdad is the reason for their parents’ divorce — or should we just let it ride?

Wondering Stepmother

Dear Stepmother: This is a situation where you need to ask yourself: What would be gained from gratuitously offering this information to your stepchildren?

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The way you present it, your choice to disclose this seems motivated mainly by the desire to retaliate against a parent who has not abided by their agreement. But retaliation does not balance the scales. It doubles down.

It also seems as if you have held it together for 12 years and in your opinion, this no-maligning agreement has expired. It should never expire.

Now that your stepchildren are older, they may have already discerned the truth. Certainly if they ask you directly about the timeline of their parents’ breakup, they should be told the truth. They should also be corrected if they present information that is factually incorrect: “Actually, it did not happen that way…”

Any correction and/or disclosure should be delivered by their father, not you.

But the truth can be delivered without maligning the other parent.

Dear Amy: My in-laws are in town. They are staying at our apartment.

Thankfully, my husband and I are …read more

Source:: The Mercury News


Ask Amy: Should I tell my husband’s daughters about their mother’s affair?

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