Dear Amy: Our oldest daughter is in her 40s. She has had a difficult time since she was a teenager. Nothing awful (no drugs), just an inability to focus on adjusting to the realities of life.

Although she was a very bright girl, it took her 10 years to finally finish college. She was able to get a great job in a metro area with a computer firm where she worked for eight years.

Then after a few months of complaining, she left to move to another city. In desperation, she got a job delivering pizzas just so she could afford rent.

Very soon we saw the possibility that she would end up on the streets.

My husband and I bought a townhouse that was affordable for us and provided her with a place to live and a small monthly stipend. The only requirement is that she keeps working and pays the HOA fee.

Fast-forward a few years, two jobs later, and she has a boyfriend living with her who has some health issues that prevent him from working.

He is good to her and good for her. He does a great job in handling house repair and provides her with comfort and company.

We don’t mind making sure that she is safe and sheltered, but we really would like her boyfriend to make a monetary contribution to their lives. How can we broach this with her?

 Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned: You have willingly and generously set up a situation that sounds feasible and stable for all parties.

Unless your daughter asks for more from you (or fails to pay her share), then why should her partner’s contribution matter?

If you want to adjust the amount of your own contribution, you could revisit this budget with her, but she should be trusted to manage her finances.

Dear Amy: My son just graduated from college and is out on his own. His mother and I threw him a graduation party.

He received gifts from people at the party, and he thanked those people in person. But he has not sent any acknowledgment to family and friends who mailed him a gift.

Several family members reached out to me to ask if he had received their gift, which was very embarrassing.

As a child, we made sure that he always wrote thank you notes. It troubles us that he does not see the need to do that now that he is “an adult.”

I told him this was …read more

Source:: The Mercury News

      

Ask Amy: We’d like to set some rules for our daughter’s boyfriend

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